You are Caleb Ploehn, spiritual adventurer and lover of all things. It’s the week of your 35th birthday and you're in Whittier, California. You just prayed to the harmonic minor scale gods and now must decide how to begin your epic day.
You drink Turkish coffee and feel ALIVE. Jeremy calls and asks if you're still down for the desert trip to your parents condo in Palm Springs.
You stretch while listening to peaceful Quran recitation, and playing guitar. Your dog Juno watches with three-legged dignity.
You enter the parlor and hear a flute. A mysterious woman named Starlene offers "cosmic rebalance." You question your religion as she gives you a rimjob. You pay, and walk out with a smile on your face.
Jeremy is packing. Aside from his gigantic penis, he’s bringing hummus and a telescope. He asks if you’re able to bring him some socks, since he forgot to do laundry. You still need to pickup your order of baklava at the green olive. .
You finish your religious practice. Peace. Then Pat starts aggressively texting you “WHERE ARE YOU.”
You walk Juno. He finds a bag of hot Cheetos. Classic. You feel grateful and warm inside. What will you do next?
Pat rants about the heat, his allergies, and the government. He also wonders if you hate him. You endure. But with your birthday rapidly approaching, you need to make a move.
The baklava place is packed. A mysterious old man gives you a mysterious bag with the letters "DMT" written on it. “For your journey,” he whispers.
Pat complains. You throw in extra socks and a prayer mat. Kathy texts: “BRING ICE.”
You feel warm and slightly levitate. For 1 second you speak fluent Persian. Wild. Time to leave. Weird drug
You nap. You dream of a giant baklava chasing you. It whispers Pat’s voice: “WE’RE LATE.”
You stop for ice. You also get snacks. And incense. And a rubber chicken, for reasons unknown.
You're packed. You, Jeremy, Kathy, Matt, Raul, Kirstin, Kyle, and Chelsea all meet at the condo. Pat arrives late and dusty. He took the backroads or something. You see some strange lights, but arent sure what they are. Anyways, party on?
An alien appears and offers you three options: infinite visits to the massage parlor, a trip to another planet, or teleport to pickup Juno.
You all chill under string lights. Someone plays oud. You eat date cake and laugh into the night.
You teleport, grab Juno, and return in a flash. Everyone cheers. Even Pat smiles.
You are now the most rimmed man in SoCal. The workers grow to love you and call you their VIP.
Night falls. You all gather in a circle. Someone recites a verse. You feel deep gratitude. Juno snores gently beside you.
The End. Happy Birthday, Caleb.